28 Weeks

Yesterday, I was officially 28 weeks pregnant.  This was the first major goal.  Evidently, the survival rate goes up drastically after 28 weeks and the health complications go down.  My goals from this point forward are in 2 week increments.  I had a WONDERFUL time going home.  I got to eat dinner with the family, read the kids their bedtime stories, say prayers.  And then being there this morning was great - seeing their reactions and just being around for all of the excitement.  It was a much anticipated event by all of us (although for different reasons).  Then a sweet, sweet friend made Christmas dinner for R and the kids, and R brought it to me here.  It was delicious.  Despite all of that,  I think the longevity of this stay started hitting me today. On the way back to the hospital, I realized that the next time I leave will most likely be after the babies are born, and that could happen anywhere from days from now to 9 weeks from now.  I sort of don't know what to mentally prepare myself for, even though I very seriously doubt it will be 9 weeks from now.  I do know one thing though, I have got to start fixing my hair while I'm here.  I have mostly just been letting it air dry and putting it in a ponytail.  It looks terrible.  I blew it dry today when I was at home and instantly felt better about myself.  I also put makeup on today for the first time in a week and a half.  It is amazing what something so superficial can do for your mood.  So, while I can't promise I'll do this every day, I am going to make it a point to try to make myself presentable at least when I get wheeled around the hospital, which should be happening every few days or so.  I'm also going to try to avoid the scale in the room next door to me.  After getting on it the other day, I was reminded why I don't own one of those awful things. Even though I have gained an obscene amount of weight so far (40 lbs to be exact and I'm sure I'll gain some more), after weighing myself, and then looking in the mirror, I felt as if my face looked like a cabbage patch doll. 

Girls Night In

So, last night I went to get something from the nurse's station right after I updated my blog, because I was headed for bed.  My across the hall neighbor was out there in her wheelchair, and we started talking, and I stayed up way too late.  Evidently she doesn't get awakened at 6 am every day to have vital signs taken.  Anyway, we talked about all sorts of stuff.  She's actually pretty funny.  She is probably funny normally, but I also tend to think that having been on bed rest for 14 weeks, 9 of them in this hospital has probably started to get to her.  Ya see, her water broke when she was 19 weeks along.  Since there is no chance of survival at that point in the pregnancy, she just stayed at home on bed rest for 5 weeks.  I'm not sure they expected her little boy to keep growing the way he has, and her not go into labor or anything.  Once she got to 24 weeks in the pregnancy, they admitted her here, since there was a chance of survival at that point.  She is now 33 weeks along, and scheduled to be here for 3 more weeks before they do her c-section.  Even though her little boy is growing, they don't know what the outcome of this is going to be for him.  Apparently, the fluid helps lung development, and since she had very little of that, being ruptured and all, they don't know if he'll be able to breathe once he's born.  Yet here she is, crazy, and joking around and all.  She has a great attitude, and has helped put things in perspective for me.  She also gives me survival tips.  So far I have learned:  about the Salon downstairs, that you can order food not on the menu if you sweet talk the ladies in the cafeteria (and it's really good food they tell me - you can even get Chick-fil-A!), to have the nurses wheel you around the hospital periodically just to people watch (she's making me out a scavenger hunt), and that there is a restaurant and atrium over in another wing that's really nice to visit.  Also, that's it's important to keep your sense of humor.  This is only temporary, and even though it might seem like it's gonna be a long time, it will really be short when it's all done and we look back on it.  I do have to say though, tonight, I am going to try to go to bed a little earlier.  I don't know if I can party like that every night.

Hospital Salon

There is a very well kept secret that is known as the Hospital Salon.  I'm not sure why it's a secret, but not very many people seem to know about it.  It's actually a cute little place where they do your hair, cut, shampoo, put rollers in it if your inclined to do such a thing, give you pedicures, manicures, etc.  It's non-profit; that is all of the money that would be "profit" goes to the hospital.  I was questioning the lady on their clientel, and she said that most of the people that come to see her actually come from outside of the hospital.  I would never have even thought of coming to the hospital to get my toes done.  However, now that I know it goes for a good cause, I might have to have my every-other-year pedicure done here from now on.  She did a pretty nice job; I will say though that there weren't many color selections (although I found one that I liked), so if you try it out and are particular, bring your own polish.  I fully intend to have my hair put up in rollers just for the fun of it if I am here past the two month mark.  I figure by that time, I'll be pretty nuts anyway, and so it won't really be out of character. 

As for the rest of the day, I had more visitors!  Some visitors brought games, and we sat and played a few rounds of Bananagrams, which is a neat little Scrabble type game.  Fortunately I had practiced, sort of, by playing Scrabble last night, so I was up for the challenge.  It just took me a round to get warmed up is all. 

In between phone calls, pedicures and visitors, I graded some papers. This time I was actually grading some short answers, and I think it's kind of fun.  I would elaborate, but it probably violates some unspoken teacher-student privacy code of some sort.

Well, I'm tired and it's late, so I'm going to bed.  And just in case you were wondering, I did win the Scrabble game.  It was close.  He was winning by 1 point and got stuck with the J. 

Date Night in the Hospital

Yesterday was mostly uneventful.  I was on the internet most of my free time researching digital cameras, baby books for the twins, names for the babies, and setting up the Caring Bridge website. I'm not sure why that took up so much time, but it did.  No change in the babies again, other than position, so no news is good news. 

The most exciting thing that happened was when a group of incredibly gifted carolers came to my room to sing.  They must have been former members of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir because their voices brought such joy to my ears as has not been heard in, well, a while.  I even tried to record one of the songs with my cell phone to use as my new ring tone. 

Today, the babies did not want to be monitored.  They don't like being monitored most days.  Fortunately, this monitoring session was almost immediately after the ultrasound, where there was no change again (other than position - these guys like to move). The kids came to visit in the middle of it, so we ended up going with what we had at some point.  Then I worked on my BSF lesson, which I eventually finished, had some more visitors, and some more visitors (I love visitors!), and then R. came up around 4:30 and we went on a tour of the NICU.  They showed me a baby that was a few weeks older than where I am now.  He only weighed 3 lbs! But he was doing great! The nurses are all very nice, and the facilities look very capable.  Even so, I really hope the boys don't have to go there, or if they do, that they don't stay there very long!   Now date night continues with take out from Red Lobster, followed by a heated game of Scrabble. Another thing to thank God for - capable and willing babysitters!

Speaking of being grateful to God, one of the things I have been thinking about lately is how normally when something like what we're going through happens is when people (myself included) draw closer to Him. I am ashamed to admit that it takes something like this.  It really shouldn't.  God is so wonderful.  I was reading a Psalm today, and one of the verses (40:8) says "O Lord my God, you have done many miracles for us.  Your plans for us are too numerous to list.  If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them."  It is SO true.  And yet sometimes, it takes being hospitalized to be able to seriously reflect on that. Thank you Lord for using this opportunity to bring me closer to You!

Bedrest Journal

Well, I have been encouraged by a number of people to keep a journal of my hospital stay.  At first, I thought that it wouldn't be a very interesting journal, and I'm still not sure if it will actually be "interesting."  However, it gives me something to do, and I do have a lot of random thoughts while I sit here, so since nothing else will happen for me to blog about for a while, I thought I would just use the blog as my journal.  We'll see how it goes.

Tomorrow will be the end of the first full week of being in the hospital, not counting the weekend before that I was here when I got to go home for 2 days and then had to come right back.  So far, believe it or not, I have not been bored.  It took a few days for the emotional distress of being away from my family to allow me to have any clear thoughts.  It hasn't been easy at all being away from everyone.  I miss my husband.  I miss the kids.  I miss not seeing their excited little faces during the Christmas season.  I kept thinking about how we couldn't go on our hayride to get our tree, and we all wouldn't go driving around looking at Christmas lights (although R. could certainly do this without me).  These were the sort of thoughts that took up a great deal of the first couple of days.  Then I started coming around (see previous post), and have let go of the superficial things and just thought about how truly blessed I am.  God is good. Since being in here, Baby B (from now on I will just call him, B to save typing 4 letters and a space) has responded well to the rest and oxygen and most days his dopplers are hovering around a 5, which is still elevated, but acceptable, and if he stayed there for the rest of the pregnancy that would be AOK.  So I find ways to pass the time.

In the past week, I have 1) Graded the mulitple choice for R.'s exam.  2) partially updated Ansley's & Silas' baby books 3) Done one BSF lesson 4) Researched Christmas purchases online (which takes up a lot of time) 5) Gotten sidetracked on the internet while doing #4 (which is probably why it takes up so much time) 6) Watched TV.  Now, I know #6 is a big shocker, because normally I don't do this.  But desperate times call for desperate measures, and there is no greater waste of time than watching TV, so there you have it.  All of this doesn't seem like a lot once I write it down, but since I get up every day around 6 to have my vital signs taken, sometimes go back to sleep until 8 when they come in to do my ultrasound (actually I only first did this today), and then the babies get put on monitors after the ultrasound to try to get 20 minutes of a trace on their heartrate (which they protest greatly so it usually eats up about an hour).  So by the time all of this is done and I've eaten breakfast and all, it's normally around 11:00.  So the mornings are pretty full.   Then at some point both of my doctors come in to talk to me (not together), I have to have more vital signs taken in the afternoon at some point, I've had visitors almost every day so far, and the kids come up every day.  After dinner the babies have to get back on the monitors again, so there's another hour, and then I take my shower and talk to R. and get to bed around 10 or 10:30, so that really even though I have for the most part laid in bed for an entire day, I only have a few hours in the afternoon where I feel like I have to find something to do.  And right now I have a whole list of things to do - I've got 6 books to read; more shopping to do online; more of the tests to grade; another BSF lesson; some planning; and at some point I'm going to tour the NICU and get a pedicure in the hospital salon! So, more to come.  I'll keep you posted on anything new and exciting that happens.

The Lord is a Faithful God.

Blessed are those who wait for Him to help them. (Isaiah 30:18).  This is the verse that I have repeated to myself whilst falling asleep the past few nights.  It's been pretty comforting. 

To update:  Baby B has a bad placenta.  He's been squished by his larger brother for most of this pregnancy, and the blood flow through his cord isn't what it should be.  This makes him too small for his age.  He's on the charts, largely due (probably) to the enormous amount of protein that I've been consuming over the past month.  (side note here, Baby A and myself are tracking the 75th percentile nicely due to the protein as well).  But no one knows what sort of health problems he may have after he's born, if any.  No one knows what caused his placenta to look the way it does.  No one knows why the cord flow isn't up to speed. No one knows how long he will continue to grow inside of me (although at this point, I'm hoping and praying a minimum of 5 weeks with a larger goal of 9 weeks).  All we can do is look at him every day and just see how he seems to be doing in there.  There has been some speculation, and some "intervention" if you want to call it that (hospital bed rest, protein, fluids, oxygen), but the bottom line is no one knows.

No one except the Lord.  He has a wonderful plan for His entire creation that will bring Him all of the glory that is His. There is a bigger picture.  The picture is about Him, not me.  I know that I am a part of His plan and He will use me for His glory.  He will use these babies for His glory.  I don't know how, and it might not be the way I want things to work out, but life isn't about me.  That's not a real popular idea.  Especially in our culture today where everyone is convinced that the purpose of life is to do what makes you happy.  Emphasis on you.  Find yourself, be true to yourself, etc. etc.  Buy more things, because that will make you happy.  Get a better education, because then you'll have more knowledge, which will make you happy, or if that doesn't, then the money that your better job will get you will make you happy.  Really?  Is that what life is about? Personal happiness?  It's a great side effect of living a life of purpose, but not the purpose in and of itself.  I think God likes blessing his children.  He doesn't enjoy watching us suffer.  But our happiness is not His plan.  His glory is.  So for now I can find comfort in knowing that He has always had a plan, nothing will change that, and I already know how the story ends.  So for my part, I know the Lord is faithful, and if I wait on Him, then I can fulfill my part of His plan, whatever that may be.

Cinnamon Rolls and Paranoia

I love cinnamon rolls.  I have to say it is one of my favorite breakfast foods.  While I was making them this morning, Colin asked me if that's what I was making, and I said "yes, is that ok with you?" to which he replied.  "Yes.  Because I love them."  I also have to say, that I have tried the Pioneer Woman's cinnamon rolls now twice, because I made them wrong the first time (they were good both times), but my family and friends in town still prefer my recipe, which really isn't my recipe either.  I got it in the mail one day with one of those things that wants you to subscribe to their magazine.  I am so glad I did not throw it away, here it is:

2 cups flour
1 Tablespoon of baking powder
1 teaspoon of salt
1/4 teaspoon of baking soda
1/4 cup of vegetable oil
3/4 cup of buttermilk
1 stick of butter
1 cup of sugar
1 teaspoon of cinnamon

Now before I start with the directions I have to tell you that I don't follow them.  First of all, I don't use buttermilk.  It's not something I keep and I tried a shortcut one day because I didn't feel like mixing the lemon juice (or vinegar) and waiting for the milk to curdle, so I just used regular milk and they came out just dandy.  I also don't use a whole cup of sugar, I usually only use about 3/4 cup, and make up some of the flavor with putting some more cinnamon in.  I don't really measure the cinnamon, but I'm guessing it's closer to 2 teaspoons than 1.  I've also been running short on butter before and used some cream cheese to fill in the difference and that tasted great, too.

Ok, so what you do is mix the flour, baking powder, salt and baking soda together, and then mix in the vegetable oil 'till it's a little grainy.  Then in with the milk and you should mix this together in a kitchenaid mixer until it looks a little doughy, just a few minutes.  You're supposed to knead it, but it is a really wet dough and I don't know how you would ever knead this stuff unless you added quite a bit more flour, which I have also done, but they don't come out as nice.  So after you get it all mixed up,  HEAVILY flour your countertop and roll this stuff out.  If you roll it too much it's going to get sticky, because it IS a pretty wet dough.  So if you use a whole lot of flour rolling it out then you'll be fine.  After you get it rolled out to about a 12X8 ish size, spread that stick of softened (or melted, but softened works a little better) butter out onto it.  Then sprinkle the sugar and cinnamon on top and roll it up into a long jelly roll.  The original recipe says that you should be able to cut this into 8 rolls, but I can get 10 or 12 out of it and then I don't feel guilty at all about having two of them, especially if you get 12. Bake them for about 15 - 20 minutes depending on how brown you like them (and your oven) at 400 degrees and enjoy.


Now for the paranoia part.  I have never claimed to be the most laid back person on the face of the earth, I did however think that I was relatively laid back.  Being pregnant with twins has made me realize just how laid back I am not. I worry about almost everything.  The most recent concern has been my varicose veins.  They actually get worse with every pregnancy, and so I was expecting that my entire left calf would be purple at some point, but I was not expecting it to spread to my thigh.  So, when I realized last night that that was what was happening, I of course, started to worry.  It's only one vein, right now, but I started thinking about how when people have heart surgery they take veins out of your thigh, and what if this was THAT vein, and how it was damaged, and maybe I needed to be worried about blood clots, and it just goes on and on from that point.  I finally just talked myself into going to sleep with the knowledge that I had a doctor's appointment in only 6 days, and I would just pray that I didn't die before I could get in there an ask him about it.  You're probably thinking that if I was really worried, I just would have gone in today, and you may be right.  I might just like torturing myself.  But at any rate I dreamt all night about having a miscarriage, partly due to the fact that Colin joined us as some point in bed and kept bumping into my belly.  So there you have it.